Herpes dating & HIV dating blog

New blog launched

2009-11-16T16:43:00.001Z

We've moved our blog over to the website www.datepositive.net.

You can find the blog by linking through to the homepage, or here: www.datepositive.net/blog

Women free six-month Premium membership

2009-11-03T18:51:00.002Z

Datepositive.net has just launched an offer giving new women members free Premium membership for six months.

The measure is aimed at increasing the number of women on the website. Typical dating websites have a ratio of 60 - 40 men to women and so the free offer is aimed at increasing the number of women onthe site.

New site live

2009-10-15T12:10:00.004+01:00

Datepositive has relaunched itself with a new, fresh website.

The site has done away with the heavy blue background colour and now orange on white. The new site also includes a couple of new features for Premium members - a forum and who's viewed my profile.

You can check out the new site at www.datepositive.net

For more on hiv dating and herpes dating follow this blog.

Tips for using Google Adwords

2009-10-04T17:17:00.007+01:00

Google Adwords is the primary form of advertising for www.datepositive.net.

It works by allowing advertisers to bid on keywords for their product or service. You can generate some quick and good leads with Adwords, but it is not cheap. Worst of all, if you are in a competitive market, you can end up in a bidding war on keywords and the advertiser loses (while Google laughs all the way to the bank).

It's easy to waste money on Adwords if you are unclear about how to best use it, or how the various settings work. For a lot of people, refining a campaign can be trial and error. You may lose a bit of money during this refining process, but certainly not as much as you would if you blindly set up a campaign and don't work on it or monitor it.

Recently I've spent weeks working on our Adwords campaigns. I'm not going into the detail, only because what I've learned is out there on the web. You can find loads of information about Adwords if you Google the term Google Adwords. Then, become more specific with Adwords-related searches as you learn more and want to focus in on key areas of how to best use Adwords, or how to solve problems.

Your research can be a bit frustrating at times, because you will read contradictory advice. Even search engine optimisation (SEO) experts bring different points of view to the table. Some things will work for some websites, but not for others. I've dealt with this by trying out the different suggestions and seeing what works for me.

Here are my top tips for working with Adwords:

1. Be patient and do a lot of reading and research. Look through Google's Adwords blog and help sections. Lots of the info I found people searching for on forums etc is already provided by Google.

2. Check out the competition. Google your keywords and see what's coming up. How are the ads worded? What's your first impression? Would you want to click for more information?

3. Tools such as Google's keyword suggestion and keyword spy software should be used with caution. Google will suggest dozens of keywords, some of which are very general. In our campaign general doesn't work, and I've read this from other advertisers too.

4. To elaborate on point 3, pick targeted keywords specific to your product and service. With datepositive.net, you might think that dating is a good keyword to use. It isn't, and it's very expensive to bid on too.

5. Use the Google matching option tool with your keywords. There are three choices: broad, phrase or exact. Our campaign works best with exact, for obvious reasons. We want the ads to appear when people are searching for herpes dating, or hiv dating. From what I've read, most other users only use exact match too. Using the exact setting has increased our click through rate (CTR). There is a connection between CTR and cost - a higher CTR means you pay less for a keyword.

6. Think long and hard before using Google's content network for your advertising (as opposed to their search network). The content network consists of publishers who are running Google ads (Adsense) on their sites to earn advertising revenue. Your Adwords ad will appear on sites with content related to your service/product. However, how many people use content sites when searching for a product? If you do use the content network, set up a separate campaign and read Google's advice on how to have success on this network.

7. Again, on the subject of targeting, use Google's geographic targeting and age targeting tools where necessary. You can also select what time of day you'd like your ads showing.

8. Write your ads with care. Put your mind in the customer's position and aim to be persuasive and have impact. But don't exaggerate. If this isn't your forte, ask for help. We run more than one ad in our campaigns so that we can monitor which ones are really working.

9. Constantly monitor your campaign and tweak the settings, but make sure you know what you are doing! Use your campaign reports - they contain loads of useful information that can highlight problems. Most small firms can't afford an SEO specialist, although there are some out there who offer good service at a competitive cost. If you are going it alone, use forums such as www.webmasterworld.com.

Follow this blog for more on hiv dating and herpes dating.

Symptoms of genital herpes

2009-09-06T10:33:00.003+01:00

Information on herpes dating.

Most people with the herpes simplex virus (HSV) do not experience any symptoms of genital herpes when they are first infected and, as a result, do not know that they have the condition.

It is important to note that symptoms of genital herpes may not appear until months, or sometimes years, after you are exposed to HSV (usually by sexual contact with someone who already has the virus).

If you do experience symptoms when you are first infected, they will usually begin to appear between 4-7 days after you have been exposed to the virus. A case of genital herpes that occurs when you are first infected is known as a primary infection. If there are symptoms with a primary infection, they are usually more severe than those of recurrent infections.

Symptoms of a primary infection

If you have a primary infection of genital herpes, you may have several symptoms, including:

painful red blisters, which soon burst to leave ulcers on your external genital area, rectum (back passage), thighs, and buttocks,
blisters and ulceration on the cervix (lower part of the womb) in women,
vaginal discharge (in women),
pain when you pass urine,
fever, and
generally feeling unwell.

The symptoms of a primary genital herpes infection may last for up to 20 days. However, the ulcers will eventually dry out and heal without leaving any scarring.

Symptoms of recurrent infections

Once a primary infection of genital herpes has subsided, your symptoms will have gone, but HSV will still be present in a nearby nerve. It is likely that the virus will be 'reactivated' from time to time, travelling back down the nerve to your skin, causing recurrent infections.

If you have a recurrent infection of genital herpes, your symptoms may include:

a tingling or burning sensation around your genitals before your blisters appear (this can signal the onset of a recurrent infection),
painful red blisters, which soon burst to leave ulcers on your external genital area, rectum (back passage), thighs, and buttocks, and
blisters and ulceration also on the cervix (lower part of the womb) in women.

Recurrent infections of genital herpes are usually shorter and less severe than primary infections. This is because your body has produced antibodies in reaction to the primary infection, and can now fight HSV more effectively.

Your symptoms may last for 7-10 days and, in most cases, you will not have any of the other symptoms of a primary infection, such as a fever, or generally feeling unwell. Your blisters and ulceration may occur in the same area each time you have a recurrent infection.

Over time, you should find that any recurrent genital herpes infections become less frequent and less severe. Genital herpes that is caused by type 1 (HSV-1) tends to recur less often than infections that are caused by type 2 (HSV-2).

Published with permission of the NHS.

For more on hiv dating and herpes dating follow this blog.

What is genital herpes?

2009-08-31T11:52:00.005+01:00

Information on herpes dating.

Genital herpes is an infection of the genitals that is caused by the herpes simplex virus (HSV). The herpes simplex virus can also affect the skin on the face, causing cold sores to develop, usually around the mouth area.

There are two types of HSV:

* type 1 (HSV-1), and
* type 2 (HSV-2).

Genital herpes is caused by type 1 and type 2 HSV equally.

In most cases, genital herpes is a chronic (long-term)condition. Many people with HSV have frequently recurring genital herpes, recurring an average of four to five times in the first two years after being infected. However, the incidence of genital herpes decreases over time, and the condition becomes less severe with each subsequent occurrence.

The herpes simplex virus (HSV)

HSV is highly contagious and it can be easily passed from person to person by close, direct contact. Genital herpes is usually transmitted by having sex (vaginal, anal or oral) with an infected person.

Once someone has been exposed to HSV, it remains dormant (inactive) most of the time. At least 80% of people who carry the virus are unaware that they've been infected because there are often few or no initial symptoms. However, every so often the virus can be activated, causing an outbreak of genital herpes.

How is genital herpes treated?

When genital herpes does cause symptoms, they appear as painful blisters on the genitals and surrounding areas. However, even if someone with genital herpes doesn't have any symptoms, it's possible for them to pass the condition on to a sexual partner.

There is no cure for genital herpes, but the symptoms can usually be effectively controlled using anti-viral medicines. The symptoms of genital herpes also tend to become less frequent and less severe with each recurring bout of the condition.

Published with permission of the NHS.

Man became HIV positive while working on HIV project

2009-08-09T13:06:00.004+01:00

A 25-year-old man became HIV positive while working on an HIV project in Africa.

Darren (not his real name) went on the volunteer project a few years ago. It was designed to help and support people with HIV.

"On my last night abroad I had a farewell party and got pretty drunk and slept with a woman who had AIDS," he explained. "When I got back to the UK I discovered I was HIV positive."

Darren said at first he was devastated and his family was too. "My parents have been supportive but of course they are concerned about how it will affect me and my life."

In particular they have been concerned about Darren's privacy and his career prospects. "They feel that talking about this publicly could badly affect my life, and so I've decided not to do any interviews with the media, but am happy to share my story on this blog."

Darren looked for an HIV dating website and joined www.datepositive.net in the hope of finding love and a soulmate. "I don't want to let this get to me or stop me from being happy in life," he explained. "I am optimistic that I will meet someone on the site."

For more on hiv dating and herpes dating follow this blog.

Woman harrassed at work after revealing HIV status

2009-07-24T14:59:00.005+01:00

A woman who told her line manager she was HIV positive said she was harrassed at work and pressured not to take time off for medical appointments.

Annette (not her real name) revealed her status because she hoped that by being honest and open she would receive support and understanding. But her manager was difficult and said that time off for appointments would be limited.

Other members of staff at the same company complained that Annette was receiving preferencial treatment by insisting that she attend a number of appointments in close succession.

Eventually Annette went to the senior management at the call centre and asked for support, which was forthcoming.

"I am glad I spoke to a senior manager because the situation was becoming really difficult. People were making comments and complaining. It became quite negative," she said.

Since talking to a senior manager things have improved and her work environment is more positive.

Annette looked for an HIV dating website and joined www.datepositive.net in the hopes of finding a new partner.

For more on hiv dating and herpes dating follow this blog.

'Life became intollerable after I got herpes'

2009-07-15T18:42:00.005+01:00

A woman who lived in a Cumbrian village said her life became intollerable after she got herpes.

She said that she dated a guy in the village but as soon as she told him she had herpes, he not only broke up with her but gossiped about her in the village pub.

Dianne (not her real name), said: "It was a nightmare experience for me and one that really set me back.

"I was just getting back on my feet after being infected by my ex. I was trying to trust someone and not give them herpes in the way my ex gave it to me (without knowing). But my openness and trust were betrayed."

Dianne said that her frienships became very strained and she found it difficult to socialise in the village. She is still in the same location but adds that things have eased a bit with the passing of time.

"I think rural life is difficult at the best of times, but this situation hasn't been easy. If I meet someone through this website I would be more than happy to move.

"The trust issue is a difficult one for me, but I do want to be able to move forward with my life."

Dianne began looking for a herpes dating website and joined www.datepositive.net in the hopes of finding a future partner.

For more on hiv dating and herpes dating follow this blog.

The Guardian doesn't quite get it

2009-07-05T18:44:00.004+01:00

Last weekend's feature about internet dating in the Guardian Weekend Magazine left me feeling disappointed.

It largely presented the world of internet dating as full of weird misfits and the success stories were added on at the end, giving a nod to the fact that sometimes internet dating does work.

Guess what? The world is a mix of people, some worth knowing and some best left to themselves.

And you'll find this online too. People who use internet dating sites will have some good experiences and some bad. Hopefully the good will outweigh the bad and eventually, with patience and good sense you'll have success.

Online dating success comes with knowing yourself pretty well, using your instincts and being intuitive - just as you are in everyday life.

In January the Guardian ran a story headlined Positive dater: 'The mutual support is a morale booster' about our online dating website www.datepositive.net. The feature touched on the strengths that niche sites like ours build on. It clearly underlined the importance of positive friendships and support that become available with a site like datepositive.net.

It's shame then that journalist Tanya Gold didn't look through the Guardian's archives and dig out those examples (or ask us for new ones) to use in this most recent piece. Unusually, the Guardian looks very out of step with the times.

If anyone wants positive testimonials about internet dating, take a look at our homepage and read some of heart-warming stories about people who've made friends, found love and even married - thanks to datepositive.net.

You can also follow this blog to find out more about hiv dating and herpes dating.

Avoiding the scammers

2009-07-04T11:32:00.009+01:00

The best and ideal way to use online dating is to start by making contact with quite a few people who you find attractive, appeal to you and seem interesting.

If you decide to correspond with someone for a while, make it a short while, say two weeks maximum. Don't share very personal information or contact details, nothing confidential or too personal, and don't reveal contact details such as your address, work place or home phone number.

You might even want to set up a special email account for your Date Positive account so that you keep your regular email address free for use with friends etc.

The getting to know someone by email is the tricky bit. You need to be friendly and open to a degree, and that means some self-revelation, but not too much. If something doesn't feel right, or you don't want to continue writing, don't. Simply email the member and say it's not right for you.

If you find that the person you're writing to changes their story, for example they work nights and then are out socialising at night, or are vague about what they do or the town or city they live near, then these are warning signs. The person is trying to hide something and at this point you should stop the emailing.

If everything is ok, after three or four emails you're now ready to speak on the phone. There's no need to have long drawn out email exchanges that go on for months (unless you are looking for an email penpal). This kind of long-term emailing accomplishes nothing and builds up expectation and hope which can be shattered at the first meeting.

So make the suggestion that you speak on the phone (or the other person might do so first). Exchange mobile numbers and set a time to call. If the person you are emailing does not want to talk, makes excuses without a good reason, then that's a warning sign. Something is not right. It's one thing to be ill or busy, but if this happens a second time, end the contact. Once again, this kind of person is someone who has something to hide.

You'll probably be nervous for the first conversation. If it goes well and you would like to explore the new connection, arrange for another talk. If not, say you do not want to pursue the contact further, but thanks for talking.

Ideally you should have only about two or three phone conversations before meeting (in a public place, and we'll talk more about this later).

If you try to follow the suggestions above, and stay away from people who just want to email for months, who won't talk and who won't meet, you are sure to avoid scammers.

Follow this blog for more information on herpes dating and hiv dating.

Facebook group and Twitter

2009-07-04T11:24:00.003+01:00

Datepositive.net has set up a group on Facebook.

You can find it by searching for STI Dating and Friendship. We welcome anyone who wants to join. Feel free to start a discussion or send ideas for the group.

You can also follow us on Twitter at /datepositive.

Why we're not free

2009-06-28T20:19:00.002+01:00

A few times in the past two years I've received emails from members of our website www.datepositive.net asking why we charge a fee to send messages.

Joining the site is free, but if members want to contact others or chat online, there's a cost. It's small, but it's still a fee.

The most obvious reason is that this is a site for people with sexually transmitted infections. We want to give our members some protection from the small number of people out there with sick minds. Unfortunately, these sick folks get gratification from logging on to sites like datepositive.net and sending abusive messages.

We discovered that in the early days when we were free. Some people logged on and created silly, bogus profiles, and then sent nasty messages. A fee, no matter how small, helps prevent this kind of thing.

The next reason is that it costs money to run a website, or any kind of business for that matter. There are hosting and advertising costs, and other admin costs. Advertising costs eat up a large part of our expenses, and it's going to be like that for a while. We need to spend more to raise our profile and build up the membership.

A couple of the emails I've had about membership fees have been from irritated members. But the site says clearly throughout that it is just £5.99 for three months. Most people spend that in a bar or on a latte and muffin a few times a week. So it's not much, and we aim to keep it that way so that the site can be accessible to as many people as possible.

I know there are free dating sites, the most notable being plentyoffish.com. Is that a good thing? I don't know. Personally, my view is that if you give away a service or content for free, you render it valueless. Free services, free content, free access . . . these things challenge internet business owners to find alternative ways of developing revenue. But I am not convinced that providing a free service and deriving profit from advertising alone will be a sustainable model in the long-term future. Only time will tell.

Follow this blog for more information on hiv dating and herpes dating..

Appealing to your sentimental and compassionate side

2009-06-05T09:39:00.003+01:00

We commented in an earlier article how scammers take their time to get to know you before attempting to scam.

Let's look at typical signs during this process of getting to know you. The scammer work hard to develop a very intense friendship via email. The language will try to be loving, romantic and sometimes needy.

If you have been alone for quite sometime, maybe you are lonely and this kind of email will appeal to that lonely, sometimes even needy, side of you. That's why it's important to lead as full and rounded life as possible even though you are single.

You will find initially that the first message does not address you personally. It probably doesn't use your username but says Hello dear. The English is usually poor and, if you are a guy, you may receive a fake picture of a beautiful woman and you can't believe your luck.

Soon after the emails start to profess their love for you and a hope of meeting. At the same time you will start to get details of a poorly paid job, a difficult time at home, or a story about a relative who got the family into debt.

Then comes a request for money and these requests become more forceful or even demanding as time passes. Never send money to someone you have never met, and do not give out your bank account details either.

End contact the minute you become suspicias and report possible scams like this to us immediately. Include the username and evidence from messages.

Follow this blog for more information on hiv dating and herpes dating.

Use of language a strong clue to scams

2009-05-24T10:21:00.004+01:00

The most obvious thing about scammers is the type of language they use in their messages.

Quite often the start off with "Hello Dear", or they use words of love, affection and familiarity that a non-scammer would not use when making contact with another member for the first time.

Their use of English is usually quite poor and this is because often the scammers are from Africa (and in particular Nigeria) and Russia and former Soviet states.

The tone is too friendly and familiar and sometimes there is an immediate expression of love within the first few messages.

As most of us know, love takes time to grow. Even if you believe in love at first sight, you have to meet the person first!

Follow this blog for more information on hiv dating and herpes dating.

Articles to help members spot scams

2009-05-24T10:10:00.008+01:00

This blog is going to publish a series of articles to help www.datepositive.net members (and anyone who uses a dating website) spot scams and fake members.

The series will address a number of things such as types of scams to look for, the techniques scammers use, and the typical language and style of their messages. The first article appears above.

We hope that by having more information like this members of our site will be better able to spot a scam or fake message.

Date Positive takes scammers and scams very seriously and we do our best to spot scams. Every profile submitted is individually checked by a real person, and we respond quickly to member complaints.

If you think you have received a message from a scammer, the first thing to do is stop writing to them and contact site administration with details of the potential scammer's username and contents of the message.

Remember, never, ever send money to someone you do not know via the internet. Date Positive cannot be responsible for your actions if you do respond to a scammer.

If there is anything else you would like us to talk about in this series, let us know.

Follow this blog for more information on hiv dating and herpes dating.

Devious scammers bide their time

2009-05-18T18:28:00.002+01:00

Following last week's post on dating scams, a few members of www.datepositive.net emailed me to point out how devious some scammers have become.

A couple of site members have been involved in lengthy email correspondence with scammers - most of whom are based in Africa. This seems to be a relatively new approach on the part of scammers. And it shows that they are prepared to take plenty of time in order to cultivate trust and then try to fraudulently extract money from innocent people.

One correspondence lasted for almost six months, so the scammer did an excellent job securing the member's friendship and then trust. Then came the request for money, which unfortunately the member responded to by sending thousands of pounds.

This is a heart-breaking story. It also illustrates the horrid, devious approach taken by today's scammers.

We are becoming more vigilant in identifying scammers and appreciate any help members of Date Positive can provide in terms of identifying scams.

In the very near future we are going to publish a series of columns about how to identify potential scammers.

In the meantime we repeat, never send money to someone you have not met. And do not give out personal information such as bank account details, home phone number or address to anyone you do not know.

Follow this blog for more information on hiv dating and herpes dating.

Too much information

2009-05-13T15:59:00.004+01:00

Not so long ago www.datepositive.net received an email from a site member complaining about a scam.

The member had been contacted by another member claiming to be from Africa. She'd got to know him by email and in a short period of time had revealed her home address and home phone number.

The contact in Africa was now pressuring her for money for airfare to come and visit, causing distress and concern. We advised her to be clear on requesting no further contact, and asked her to seek advice and support from both BT and the local police.

It's a concern for us that people get themselves into this kind of situation. In the two and a half years that the site has been up and running, we have frequently sent out newsletters asking people to pay attention to safety when using an online dating website. We also have an online safety section. This includes advice on not revealing personal contact details to someone you have not yet met. Personally, I wouldn't give someone I hadn't met my mobile number, but I know lots of site members who do.

You wouldn't hand over personal information to a stranger on the street, so why to an online friend? The answer is not so straightforward. Emailing for a few days or a few months can create a sense of comfort and intimacy, so much so that people can forget (or choose to ignore) the fact that they have not met the new contact and in reality do not know that person.

Many people have had the experience of emailing someone or speaking on the phone, only to meet and form a completely different impression. Simply put, you don't know someone until you meet them, and even then it takes a long time to really get to know them.

Date Positive has been fortunate in that the scams have been few and far between and, through the help of members, we have been able to identify them and take action.

But it goes without saying - don't reveal personal information until after you've met, and only then when you feel ready. And never, ever send money to someone via the internet.

Follow this blog for more information on hiv dating and herpes dating.

Complications of HIV

2009-03-08T20:02:00.004Z

Pregnancy

If you have HIV and become pregnant, you should contact your HIV clinic. There are two reasons why this is important:

some anti-HIV medicines can harm babies, so your treatment plan will need to be reviewed, and
additional medicines may be needed to prevent your baby getting HIV.
Without treatment, there is a one in four chance that your baby will develop HIV. With treatment, the risk drops to a one in a hundred.

In the past, mothers with the HIV virus were normally recommended to have a caesarean section, because it reduced the risk of the virus being passed on to the baby.

Due to advancements in treatment, a normal delivery will not usually increase the risk of transmission for women who have an undetectable viral count and whose HIV is well managed.

You should discuss the risks and benefits associated of each delivery method with the staff at your HIV clinic. However, the final decision about how your baby is delivered is yours, and barring any unforeseen complications that may make a caesarean section necessary, staff will respect that decision.

If you have the HIV virus, you should not breastfeed your baby because the virus can be transmitted through breast milk.

If you or your partner have HIV, fertility treatments are available that will allow you to conceive a child without putting either of you at risk of infection. However, these treatments are often expensive and are not available on the NHS.

Opportunistic infections

If your CD4 count drops below 200, you will be at risk of catching many different types of infection. Infections that can 'take advantage' of a HIV-weakened immune system are known as 'opportunistic infections'. However, if you stick to your HIV therapy, the likelihood of developing an opportunistic infection remains low.

The four main types of opportunistic infections are listed below.

Bacterial infections, such as pneumonia or tuberculosis (TB).
Viral infections, such as hepatitis.
Fungal infections, such as thrush.
Parasitical infections, such as toxoplasmosis.
People with advanced HIV also have a higher risk of developing some forms of cancer, such as lymphoma (cancer of the lymph system).

Some of the most common opportunistic infections that affect people with HIV are outlined below.

Pneumonia:
Pneumonia is a bacterial infection of the lungs. It can often develop as a complication of other infections, such as a cold or the flu. Left untreated, pneumonia can be fatal because the infection can spread through your blood (sepsis).

Pneumonia can be treated using antibiotics. There is also a vaccine available that can protect you against many of the bacteria that can cause pneumonia. People living with HIV are recommended to receive annual vaccinations.

Tuberculosis (TB):
TB is another bacterial infection of the lung. Globally, it is the leading cause of death for people who are HIV positive. TB can be treated using antibiotics, but there are some strains of bacteria that have developed resistance to this medicine, and these can be more difficult to treat. However, there is a vaccine available which can protect you against some strains of TB.

Hepatitis:
Hepatitis is a viral infection that can cause damage to your liver. This can increase your risk of developing liver cancer. There are three main types of hepatitis: hepatitis A, hepatitis B and hepatitis C.

Vaccines are available for hepatitis A and hepatitis B, but not for hepatitis C. Avoiding sharing needles and using a condom are the best ways to prevent hepatitis.

Candidiasis:
Candidiasis is a fungal infection that is common in people living with HIV. It causes a thick, white coating to appear on the inside of your mouth, your tongue, throat or (in the case of women) the vaginia.

Though rarely serious, candidiasis can be both embarrassing and painful. However, it can be treated with anti-fungal creams.

You should tell the staff at your HIV clinic if you have repeated bouts of candidiasis because it could be a sign of a low CB4 count.

Pneumocystis carinii pneumonia (PCP):
PCP is a bacterial infection of the lungs, which can be life-threatening if it is not treated promptly. Before the advances in anti-HIV medicines, PCP was the leading cause of death among those with HIV in the developed world.

Symptoms of PCP include:

a persistent dry cough,
shortness of breath,
difficulty in breathing, and
in some cases, fever.
You should report any symptoms of PCP straight away because the condition can suddenly worsen without warning. PCP can be treated with antibiotics and, if your CD4 count drops below 200, you may be given antibiotics to prevent a PCP infection.

Cancer

People with advanced HIV have an increased risk of developing cancer. It is estimated that somebody with untreated late-stage HIV infection is 100 times more likely to develop cancer than somebody without the condition. However, with treatment, the risk of getting cancer is much the same as that of the general population.

The two most common cancers to affect people with HIV are lymphoma and Kaposi's sarcoma. Lymphoma is a cancer of the lymphic system (a network of glands that makes up part of our immune system). Kaposi's sarcoma can cause lesions to grow on your skin, and can also affect your internal organs.

Psychological impact of HIV

Being diagnosed with HIV can be very distressing and feelings of anxiety or depression are common. Your HIV clinic will be able to provide you with counselling so that you can fully discuss your condition and your concerns.

Talking to other people who have HIV may be helpful. Your clinic will be able to provide you with information about local support groups.

Reprinted with permission of the NHS

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Married, thanks to Date Positive

2008-11-24T10:51:00.003Z

I received a great email a few weeks back from a guy who joined the www.datepositive.net after it launched in 2006.

He met a woman on the website and they are now happily married. They were one of the first few members to join. It was great to hear from him and hear such a happy story.

It's been challenging building and running a business, but receiving that email made us all really happy and realise again that this venture is so worthwhile.

If you're a member of www.datepositive.net and have a similar story, we'd love to hear from you. Add a comment or email us at info@datepositive.net.

Follow this blog for more information on hiv dating and herpes dating.

The recession can boost your love life

2008-11-24T10:40:00.002Z

A week ago I tried to speculate on how the recession would affect www.datepositive.net

I also said I'd offer a few tips on inexpensive dating ideas. That thought made me realise that a recession could actually be good for your love life!

Forget expensive dinners, impressive gestures, and go back to basics. A brisk walk in the park followed by hot chocolate shows romantic imagination often overlooked.

A first date from someone you've met on a dating website needs to make safety a priority. So you should always let friends know where you are and meet in a public place.

But once you are comfortably dating, the options open up. Impress your new romantic interest with what you can do in the kitchen. Find out what their favourite dish is and give it an unusual twist, or surprise yourselves with something you've never cooked before.

If the kitchen really isn't your domain, a night in with a DVD and some wine, accompanied by some of the fantastic snacks available at Marks and Spencer or The Co-Op is a good option. Don't forget to offer a selection of films. And online services such as Lovefilm provide inexpensive DVD rental packages so you don't have to buy.

The theatre used to be an traditional date option, but it can be expensive and not to everyone's taste. If you really want a night out look local for arts centres, bars or pubs hosting music. There is some great local talent and something for all tastes.

Going for a walk, long or short, is probably more popular than ever before. If you are creative, plan the route with a cafe or pub in the middle and have a break.

If the countryside isn't your thing, develop your own architectural tour and check out the interesting buildings in your area. Go to the library and do a bit of digging about the local history. So many people walk through streets without looking up. Take a minute to look around with fresh eyes. You and your date might be surprised at how much you learn and how much you enjoy your date.

If your love does grow, you may decide to cohabit, and we all know that sharing is ecofriendly and less expensive than living alone.

Finally, never forget that friendship, romance and love aren't about money. Be imaginative. Offer hand-made gifts, a CD mix, a used copy of that favourite childhood book. Creativity and thoughtfulness go a long way when it comes to love.

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Looking for love in the downturn

2008-11-17T20:25:00.002Z

Who can tell how the downturn will affect www.datepositive.net? I've never been into predictions - apart from the obvious - particularly when we live in an age where things change rapidly, and the unexpected is a feature of daily life.

During the credit crunch our team aims to pursue marketing and promotion as much as we can with a small budget. And we've abandoned plans for a membership fee increase, keeping our fee a very, very low £4.99 for three months.

We also hope that users and potential members see opportunities for romance during a recession!

Markus Frind, CEO of plentyoffish.com, wrote recently that the recession will produce a shake-down in the online dating world, with smaller sites folding and large ones seeing member signups falling off.

Markus says that people won't be able to afford dating or fee-charging dating websites. But that statement is based on the assumption that dating has to be expensive.

I'm not so sure that's true. If your new date is set on being impressed with expensive gestures when cash is tight, then it could be that the person isn't for you in the first place.

A first date who accepts that cash isn't flowing freely and agrees to coffee rather than dinner sounds like someone who knows how to compromise, and that's a good start.

I'll write a post soon on ideas for inexpensive dates. But my main point is that recession can only be good for your love life. Spending cosy nights in with a date sharing a meal and watching a DVD is a great way to take the edge of loneliness and save money.

So far, datepositive.net continues to grow and we've not seen a decline in sign-ups or paying members. This says so much about the importance for a site like ours, and the quality of people online.

As far as I can see, there'll always be a need for non-judgemental support, new friends, an ear to listen and, yes, hopefully even romance and love.

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What happens if I am not treated?

2008-11-16T11:29:00.001Z

Without treatment, HIV will cause progressive damage to your immune system. It may eventually become so overwhelmed that you develop AIDS, which can be fatal. Research suggests that beginning treatment early on in the course of infection may help reduce damage to the immune system. Your doctor can advise you on the best time to begin treatment.

Reprinted with permission of the NHS.

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Think you had unsafe sex?

2008-11-16T11:27:00.003Z

What can I do if I think I have had unsafe sex with someone who has HIV?

You may benefit from a four-week course of anti-HIV medication – known as Post Exposure Prophylaxis (PEP). For treatment to be effective, it needs to be started within 72 hours (three days) of exposure and the sooner it's started the more effective it is. PEP is usually recommended if you have had unprotected vaginal or anal sex with someone who has HIV or if you have received anal sex from someone with a high chance of having HIV. Although there is no guarantee you won’t develop HIV, it may help protect you.

PEP may also be considered if you gave oral sex (fellatio) to someone who has HIV or at a high risk of having HIV and they ejaculated (came) in your mouth or if you have had unprotected vaginal or anal sex with someone with a high risk of having HIV. Healthcare workers who have been put at risk, e.g. through a ‘needlestick’ injury, may also be advised to have PEP.

You can get PEP at a GUM clinic, a sexual health clinic or an A&E department, where the doctor or nurse will ask you several questions to try to ascertain whether you could benefit from treatment.

Do bear in mind that PEP is not a cure for HIV. It can also cause severe side effects such as diarrhoea, nausea and prolonged headaches. The best way to protect yourself is by following safer sex guidelines.

Reprinted with permission of the NHS.

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HIV - what are the treatment options?

2008-11-16T11:21:00.003Z

If you are diagnosed with HIV, you will be referred to a HIV clinic. You will also be offered counselling.

As part of your treatment, you will undergo regular blood tests. The tests are used to measure two things:

your CD4 count - which is the number of CD4 cells in your blood, and viral load - which is the amount of HIV in your blood. These tests allow the staff at the HIV clinic to see how far the disease has progressed, and the likelihood that will you develop an infection.

The implications of different CD4 counts are explained below.

A CD4 count of 500 or above means that there is no risk of infection.

A CD4 count of between 200 and 500 means that there is a small risk of infection, particularly from tuberculosis (TB).

A CD4 count of less than 200 means that there is high risk of serious infection.
The viral load will be regularly measured in order to show whether the medicines that are being used to treat HIV are working effectively. A high viral load may mean that you need a new combination of medicines.

Both the CD4 count and viral load can fluctuate over time, so one high or low reading does not automatically mean that your condition has got worse. The general trend of your CD4 count and viral load over time is more important in tracking the progression of the condition.

Highly active antiretroviral therapy (HAART)

There is no cure or vaccine for HIV and researchers believe it will be many years, if not decades, before either is found. However, special medicines that are used in what is known as highly active antiretroviral therapy (HAART) has proved remarkably successful in slowing the progression of the condition and prolonging life.

Researchers are confident that continuing improvements in therapy will mean that a person with HIV will have the same lifespan as somebody who does not have the condition

The therapy involves using a combination of medicines. This is because HIV can quickly adapt and become resistant to one single medicine. Therefore, a combination of different medicines is required.

It is normally recommended to begin HAART once your CD4 count drops below 350. There are many different types of medicine that can be used as part of your therapy. They include:

nucleoside reverse transcriptase inhibitors (NRTIs or 'nukes'),
non-nucleoside reverse transcriptae inhibitors (NNRTIs or 'non-nukes'),
protease inhibitors,
fusion inhibitors, and
integrase inhibitors.

These medicines work in different ways, but they are all designed to interrupt the reproductive cycle of the virus in order to slow down its spread and protect your immune system.

Most people with HIV are recommended to take two types of medication from the NRTIs class, plus a medicine from another class.

The goal of treatment is to find the best combination of medicines, while minimising any side effects.

Side effects
In some people, the medicines that are used to treat HIV will cause side effects. However, the side effects tend to improve after a few weeks as your body gets used to the medicines. Common side effects of HIV medication include:

nausea,
tiredness,
diarrhoea,
skin rashes,
mood changes, and
gaining fat on one part of your body while losing it on another (lipodystrophy).

Protease inhibitors have been known to increase the levels of cholesterol and sugar in the blood, which can lead to the hardening of your arteries (arteriosclerosis). Arteriosclerosis will increase your chances of developing a cardiovascular disease, such as heart disease or stroke.

Eating a healthy diet, taking regular exercise and not smoking will help to reduce the risk of developing arteriosclerosis. You may also be given special medicines to help further reduce the risk. These include medicines known as statins that can reduce the level of cholesterol in your blood.

Some anti-HIV medicines have been known to cause damage to the nerves in the hands and feet, a condition known as peripheral neuropathy. This can cause your hands and feet to feel numb, or tingly. You should report any such symptoms straight away as your treatment plan will need to be changed in order to prevent further nerve damage.

If you find that the side effects from HIV treatment are adversely affecting your quality of life, you should inform the staff at your HIV clinic. It may be possible to change your medicines, or other medicines may be available that can relieve any side effects.

Adherence
The medicines used to treat HIV are only effective when taken exactly as prescribed. Missing even a few doses will increase the risk of your treatment not working.

Sticking to your treatment plan is known as adherence. To adhere to treatment you need to:

take the medicine at the recommended time,
take the recommended dose, and
follow all instructions regarding diet - for example, some medicines you will be given should only be taken on an empty stomach, while others need to be taken with food.

You will need to develop a daily routine in order to fit your treatment plan around your lifestyle. The staff at your HIV clinic will be able to provide you with advice and support.

You should remember that many of the medicines that are used to treat HIV can react in unpredictable ways if you take other types of medicines. These include herbal remedies such as St John's Wort, recreational drugs such as cocaine, and over-the-counter medicines.

You should always check with your clinic staff or your GP before taking any other medicines.

Post Exposure Prophylaxis (PEP)

It is sometimes possible to halt the development of HIV in the first 72 hours after infection. This is known as post exposure prophylaxis (PEP). PEP involves taking anti-HIV medicines for four weeks.

PEP is often used when a person knows that they have definitely been exposed to the HIV virus. For example, if they were having sex with someone who they knew had the HIV virus and the condom broke, or they were accidentally stabbed with an HIV-infected needle.

However, PEP is not guaranteed to work and the medicines that are used cause some unpleasant side effects, such as nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea and headaches.

If you are concerned that you have been exposed to the HIV virus, you should immediately contact your local accident and emergency department or GUM (genito-urinary or sexual health) clinic.

The Terence Higgins Trust is an HIV charity that can advise you about where you can obtain PEP.

Reprinted with permission of the NHS.

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Using PR to help survive a recession

2008-11-11T20:18:00.002Z

I recently heard about a struggling company that made the decision to terminate its public relations agency's contract due to a tough business environment.

This is an unfortunate decision. In a recession businesses really need to focus on communicating clear and strategic messages to all audiences, be they staff, board members, the community, partner organisations or customers.

In other words, PR can become an incredibly valuable tool, more crucial than ever before.

PR is often confused with media relations. PR is an umbrella term for a number of forms of communication, including media relations, internal communications, community relations and public affairs. All these forms of PR (or communications) can provide important and positive results during an economic downturn.

Media relations focuses on external audiences - usually existing and potential customers. If your key objective it to raise your organisation's profile and generate business, this should be your choice. It is a cost-effective approach that can help raise awareness amongst customers instead of letting an organisation drop off the radar.

Media relations is much less expensive than advertising and, although media relations can take longer to produce results, it can dramatically raise an organisation's profile in a relatively short period of time.

If you want to run a media relations campaign, find a good media relations practitioner or agency and ask them about their relationships with the media or trade press. If you know nothing about news or what makes a good story, your PR consultant will be able to help, especially if they are a former journalist.

Our business, Date Positive, has increased its spend on Google Adsense. Granted, that's advertising, but it's relatively inexpensive and produces results. Other PR initiatives include ongoing media relations and publicity activities with partner organisations to raise awareness of the website.

Internal communications is all about communicating with your staff and share holders. Personally I think this is one of the most important things a company can do, but it is often forgotten, or done poorly. Communicating with your staff means that people understand the goals and objectives of an organisation and how it will get there.

Good internal communication and feedback can motivate staff and help people remain positive. In this age of electronic communication I still believe that face-to-face communication is invaluable. It shows good leadership and that management cares. It also allows for people to ask questions - don't forget, communication is a two-way thing!

Community relations is about working with your communities - people around you, partner organisations and the local community. Find out how you can generate good will (which in turn can generate a good news story), share resources, develop partnerships, or reduce duplication.

When the economy is slowing or shrinking, your knee-jerk reaction may be to cut PR. But an organisation can accomplish a lot on a small PR budget. Working creatively you can do all kinds of things such as generate publicity, set up a blog, and develop good relationships with partners.

Use PR to help you get through tough times and you will be ahead of the game when things begin to improve.

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Support for your business

2008-11-09T12:59:00.002Z

When we talk about business support the first thing we think about is money.

But a Blog Eclectic reader, Jon, made an interesting comment in response to Make mistakes and move forward. He talked about the time it can take to start and develop a business, and the impact that can have on a family.

Every business is different and some may not require a lot of time. But most start-ups do, and most new business owners feel passionate and want to devote time to their new venture.

If you have a relationship or other commitments, it's important to be realistic about how much time a new business can take. As best as you can, plan ahead and carve out time for other things.

My own view is that you've got to have support from day one. If people close to you don't see the business as viable or worthwhile, that could spell trouble down the road. Going it alone without any kind of support is very difficult. And resentment in any kind of relationship can be damaging. You've got to ask: is my business worth it? Do I want to work on my business at the cost of a relationship?

When we launched www.datepositive.net I was in the process of moving which added challenges. In our temporary place people didn't seem to understand the amount of time I spent online.

After the site went live it attracted a lot of publicity, so I was on the phone a lot doing interviews - and this didn't go down too well either. So I can appreciate what it's like to feel unsupported.

Like anything, it's about compromise and negotiation, and an understanding that for a time some things simply have to be done in the early days of a business. If your relationship is balanced and communication is good, your partner will understand that your business is valuable to you and will support you, especially in the early days.

Later on, try to find balance and make work, family and friends equally important.

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Telegraph piece boosts site

2008-11-02T10:34:00.002Z

It's been three weeks since The Sunday Telegraph magazine Stella published a feature about www.datepositive.net and the experiences of some of our members.

The feedback from our members on the feature has been really positive. We've had emails telling us that the article was well-written and will hopefully help raise awareness about some of the issues people with STIs face.

In a broader sense the Stella piece has helped raise awareness of the site and we've had a lot more members join in recent weeks. We've also had some freelance writers contact us about the possibility of doing features for women's magazines.

The article has also helped increase our presence online. Search results for STI dating show the Telegraph piece on the first page of results in Google, Yahoo and Live.

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Make mistakes and move forward

2008-10-25T15:32:00.003+01:00

About a month ago I wrote about some of the key things we'd learned in the two years www.datepositive.net has been up and running.

Here are a few more words on things we've learned, and perhaps one of the most important ones is don't be afraid of making mistakes and learning from them.

One of the biggest early mistakes was developing and going with software that simply didn't offer enough features for users. We realised this mistake pretty quickly on, and were aware that we'd rushed things because we were concerned about competition.

It turned into a bit of a crisis really because we could see that there was a need for our service, but that users were unimpressed with the website. We had to do a quick reinvention. We secured new software and relaunched the website.

So if you can see that something isn't working, don't worry and become incapacitated. Look at it as an opportunity and see how you can work around the problem.

This is easier said than done of course, and is a particular problem if the solution requires money. In the early days most business find difficult it to source funding. There is not a lot of money about for start-ups in the UK, and you will have to dig into your own pockets and those of family members. Even then, be careful and make sure your family understands the risks involved.

My experience is that most businesses don't realise how much money they do in fact need, particularly for marketing. So don't be afraid to invest, but do your research first.

Get good advice, do lots of reading and talk to others who have been there. But remember, at the end of the day it is you that makes the decisions, and that's both exciting and challenging.

As time passes, you will gain more confidence. As the US psychologist and chat show host Dr. Joyce Brothers says: "The person interested in success has to learn to view failure as a healthy, inevitable part of the process of getting to the top."

So, don't worry about how many mistakes you make. Just try to make sure you don't repeat them.

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Where can I get an HIV test?

2008-10-25T14:43:00.002+01:00

Where can I get an HIV test?

There are various places you can get an HIV test in the UK, such as:

Genitourinary medicine (GUM) or sexual health clinics at a hospital.
Your GP surgery (ask your doctor or practice nurse whether your surgery offers HIV testing).
Some contraception and young people’s clinics.
A Fastest clinic. These are rapid testing clinics run by the Terrence Higgins Trust.
A private clinic.
An antenatal clinic if you're pregnant. Call the Department of Health on 0870 155 5455 for the leaflet Better for your Baby and further information about antenatal HIV testing.
Local drugs agencies (if you're an injecting drug user).
Each has pros and cons. It’s up to you to choose where you feel you would be most comfortable.

Reprinted with permission of the NHS.

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Diagnosing HIV

2008-10-25T14:33:00.002+01:00

HIV can be very difficult to diagnosis from the symptoms alone. Sometimes, even specialists who are experienced in treating HIV can mistake the symptoms for another condition.

Therefore, if you are in a high-risk group for catching HIV (see below), it is very important that you have a HIV test. The earlier HIV is diagnosed, the more likely it is that treatment will be successful.

In the past, many people were reluctant to take a HIV test because they thought that if they were diagnosed with the condition, there was nothing that could be done to help them. However, this is not true and there are now medicines available that can slow the progress of HIV and effectively manage the condition.

Risk groups

People who are at risk of catching HIV include:

gay men who have had unprotected sex,
people who have lived in or travelled extensively in sub-Saharan Africa,
people who have had sex with a person who has lived in or travelled in sub-Saharan Africa,
people who inject illegal drugs,
people who have had sex with somebody who has injected illegal drugs,
people who have caught another sexually transmitted infection, or
people who have received a blood transfusion while in Africa, eastern Europe, the countries of the former Soviet Union, Asia, or central and southern America.

HIV testing

HIV can be diagnosed by testing your blood for the presence of the virus. However, the test will only detect HIV after three months have passed since the initial infection. Therefore, it will usually be recommended that you have another test three months after your first one.

You should not assume that any previous blood test that you have had was used to check for the presence of HIV. Blood is only tested for HIV if you specifically consent to testing.

The results of your HIV test will remain strictly confidential. However, if you are diagnosed with HIV and you have health or life insurance, your insurance company will have to be informed.

In the UK you should usually not have to pay for an HIV test.

Receiving a positive test

If you receive a positive HIV test, you will be referred to a HIV clinic. A HIV clinic is specialist health unit that is staffed by many different professionals who specialise in helping people who are living with HIV.

HIV clinic staff may include:

a counsellor,
a social worker,
a dietician,
a dentist,
specialist doctors with experience in treating HIV,
emergency 'walk-in' doctors, and
a pharmacist.

Telling your partner and former partners

If you do have HIV, it is important that your current sexual partner, or any sexual partner that you have had since being exposed to infection, is tested and treated.

If you don't tell your sex partner(s) and if you then have unsafe sex and infect someone, they could decide to prosecute you.

Some people can feel angry, upset or embarrassed about discussing HIV with their current or former partner, or partners. You should not be afraid to discuss your concerns with your GP or the clinic staff. They will be able to advise you about who should be contacted and the best way to contact them.

With your permission, your clinic will be to arrange for a 'contact slip' to be given to your former partner or partners. The slip explains that they may have been exposed to a sexually transmitted infection, and advises them to have a check-up. The slip does not have your name on it, and your details will remain totally confidential.

Nobody can force you to tell any of your partners about your HIV, but it is strongly recommended that you do. Left untested and untreated, HIV can have devastating consequences and will eventually lead to death.

Telling your boss

People with HIV are protected under the Disability Discrimination Act. But to gain this protection, your employer must know of your diagnosis. Whether you choose to tell them will often depend on how you think they will take it. There’s no legal obligation to tell your employer you have HIV, although equally there is no law to stop them from asking you.

You may worry that, if you do tell, your HIV status will become public knowledge or that you may be discriminated against. On the other hand, if your boss is supportive, telling him or her may make it easier for adjustments to be made to your workload or for you to have time off.

If you are applying for a new job, you need to decide whether to disclose information on the application form if you are asked for it. If you are asked and you don’t, this could be construed as ‘a breach of mutual trust’.

If you work in healthcare, you must tell your occupational health physician and avoid performing invasive procedures. The HIV organisations have lots of information and can advise you on these and other work-related issues.

Reprinted with permission of the NHS.

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Causes of HIV

2008-10-20T09:17:00.002+01:00

The exact origin of HIV remains unknown, but most scientists agree that a form of the virus, known as SIVcpz (Simian Immunodeficiency Virus from chimps), was (and still is) present in chimpanzees living in parts of Africa.

One theory is that the virus spread to humans that were hunting the chimps, possibly because they came into close contact with the infected chimpanzee's blood. It is thought that for many years the human form of the HIV virus was limited to a remote part of Africa.

However, when new transport links opened up that part of Africa, the virus spread to other parts of Africa, before slowly spreading across the world.

How HIV spreads inside the body

The HIV virus breaks down the genetic code of cells used by our immune system, particularly the cells known as CD4 cells, and then uses the raw genetic material to make copies of itself. The body can make more CD4 cells, but eventually the HIV virus will reduce the numbers of CD4 cells to such an extent that the immune system will stop working.

How HIV spreads outside the body

The HIV virus can be spread through the exchange of bodily fluids, such as semen or blood. Therefore the condition can be spread through sexual intercourse, including oral and anal sex.

People who inject illegal drugs and share needles are also at risk from getting the HIV virus. The condition can also be spread from a mother to her unborn child. However, medicines can now be used to prevent this from happening.

HIV can be spread through blood transfusions. However, since 1985, it has been UK policy to screen all donated blood for HIV. Since the policy was introduced, no one in the UK has caught HIV from a blood transfusion.

Screening policies in the developing world may not be as rigorous as they are in countries such as the UK, so there is a possible risk of developing HIV if you receive a blood transfusion in certain parts of the world.

Reprinted with permission of the NHS.

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Symptoms of HIV

2008-10-18T17:26:00.002+01:00

The initial stage of HIV is known as primary HIV infection. In people who are infected with HIV, 60% will develop associated symptoms, usually two to six weeks after they are first infected with HIV.

Symptoms of primary HIV infection may include:

fever,
sore throat,
tiredness,
joint pain,
muscle pain,
swollen glands (nodes), or
a blotchy rash on the chest.
These early symptoms are often very mild, so it is easy to mistake them for another condition, such as a cold or glandular fever.

After the initial symptoms listed above, HIV will often not cause any further symptoms for many years. This is known as asymptomatic HIV infection. During this time, the virus is still reproducing and damaging your immune system.

Late-stage HIV infection

Left untreated, HIV will lower the number of CD4 cells in your body to a dangerously low level, and your immune system will stop working. It normally takes 10 years for the virus to damage the immune system in this way. A damaged immune system will inevitably result in you developing a serious infection.

Possible symptoms of a serious infection caused by a damaged immune system include:

persistent tiredness,
night sweats,
unexplained weight loss,
persistent diarrhoea,
blurred vision,
white spots on your tongue or mouth,
dry cough,
shortness of breath,
a fever of above 37C (100F) that lasts a number of weeks, or
swollen glands that last for more than three months.
AIDS-related illnesses, such as TB, pneumonia and some cancers, may appear. Many of these, though serious, can be treated to some extent and some are likely to improve if you start treatment and your CD4 count increases.

Reprinted with permission of the NHS.

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Date Positive featured in Sunday Telegraph

2008-10-12T05:55:00.002+01:00

www.datepositive.net is featured in the Sunday Telegraph magazine Stella today.

This is the first time members of the site have been interviewed about their experiences of dealing with an STI and using Date Positive to meet new people.

Most of all I am impressed with the courage and character of the members I spoke to when we were seeking interview subjects for the Telegraph piece. Many people had been judged harshly by friends and family because they have an STI.

Some had even had to endure rejection from family and close friends. One man, who goes by the name of Mike, came out to his family and then later revealed that he was HIV positive. He said his parents reacted harshly and lacked compassion.

Another woman who lives in a small town in the North-West of England said that dating has been a nightmare because people have betrayed her confidence when she revealed that she has herpes. Date Positive has helped deal with that issue and made it much easier to meet people without a fear of rejection or betrayal.

I'd like to say many thanks to the members of our site who helped with this feature story, and we hope that it will help deal with the stigma that can sometimes be attached to having an STI.

Thanks also to the journalist Louise Millar, and Stella associate editor Sophie Wilson, who both handled this work with care and sensitivity.

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Facts about HIV

2008-10-10T10:01:00.002+01:00

How common is HIV?

HIV is a global pandemic, which means the condition has been spread across the world. The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that 33 million people around the world are currently infected with HIV. It is also estimated that 25 million people have died of HIV since the pandemic began in 1981.

The virus is particularly widespread in sub-Saharan Africa - the African countries that lay south of the Sahara Desert, such as South Africa, Zimbabwe and Mozambique.

In the UK, there are 73,000 people living with HIV and experts believe that 30% of people with HIV do not know they have the condition.

The number of people who are diagnosed with HIV has been rising since the beginning of the 2st century. It is thought that this is due to people wrongly thinking that HIV is no longer a threat to the public health.

How is HIV spread?

The HIV virus can be spread through the exchange of bodily fluids, such as blood, semen and vaginal fluids. The most common way that HIV is spread is through sexual intercourse, including oral and anal sex.

The virus can also be spread through sharing needles, and from a pregnant woman to her unborn baby. However, due to advances in treatment, it is now possible to prevent the virus from being passed on by the mother to her child.

You can't catch HIV from kissing, from being sneezed on by someone with HIV, from sharing baths, towels or cutlery with an HIV-infected person, from swimming in a pool or sitting on a toilet seat that someone with HIV has used, or from animals or insects such as mosquitoes.

Who is affected by HIV?

HIV most commonly affects gay men. However, this does not mean that the condition is only a concern for the gay community. In the UK, it is estimated that one in 10 cases of HIV are acquired during heterosexual sex.

Reprinted with permission of the NHS.

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Date Positive is now two - taking a look at what we´ve learned

2008-10-05T09:10:00.003+01:00

Date Positive has been live for two years. In some ways that's a good achievement because the majority of new businesses fail within a year of trading.

On the other hand I can't help but feel frustrated because I wanted the business to be bigger at this point in time, and wished that it had grown faster. But then perhaps slow growth for a business neophyte isn't a bad thing . . .

There's no doubt that the lessons have been swift and sometimes harsh and painful. They came quickly in the early days.

We struggled with massive interest from the media which far outstripped our resources. We then had to deal with the threat of a law suite, which was pretty nerve-wracking to say the least.

Those days seem a long, long time ago now. And in the intervening months we have learned a great deal. Let me share with you.

Choose your web developer/designer carefully: we worked with a York-based company which presented itself as an agency but in reality turned out to be a one-man show. There was no back-up. The owner of the firm committed to work but could never meet deadlines, and we learned that this happened with other clients too. In effect, he just didn't care. And that's not a very nice vibe to pick up from a supplier.

Worse, he took thousands of pounds of our valuable cash (on the understanding that our site was almost ready to go live), and then announced that he was heading to New Zealand for a month the following day. "Not to worry", he said, "I can still work over there and your site will be ready on time.". Of course it wasn't and the delay went on for weeks.

It was a frustrating, painful experience and also a PR disaster. We had announced our launch date on a website holding page and we knew there would be disappointment from potential members. An experience like this so early on can also dent your confidence - if you let it.

But out of it all I learned not to be so naive and trusting and instead to ask many more questions before deciding to work with a consultant. Is there a back-up? Can we meet that person? Not least, never pay in full before launch. Negotiate that with the developer. In short, my advice is look for a firm that belongs to the UK Web Design Association, or at least use the association to find out how a good designer should conduct business.

Research advertising carefully: advertising is expensive and reps will promise you the world. If you are advertising in a niche market, don't take a rep's word when it comes to page impressions or response rates. Ask to speak to other clients similar to yourself and find out how the medium has performed for them.

Don't rely on handouts: If you live in what's considered to be a deprived area or one in which the government would like to see more entrepreneurs, you'll likely hear about grants, awards and loans. But here in the North-East of England we read a lot about money available for start up businesses, but in reality it has been impossible to access. Funding has come from our own pockets and, more recently, membership fees.

Put in time: A business takes time and commitment if you want it to be successful. When you work for a company you get to switch off sometimes. That doesn't happen with your own business so be prepared to live and breathe your new creation in the early days.

But take time off: Despite what I have written above, don't completely sacrifice leisure time or sleep repeatedly. You'll start to resent the time your business takes and eventually burn out. You'll also damage any creative thinking that takes place on a subconscious level and this will only be detrimental to your business success.

Find a good accountant: Your accountant should be a part of your extended team. He or she must have your interests at heart and give good advice and suggestions. Not least he should speak plain English. If this professional relationship is not working, then it needs replacing.

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What is HIV?

2008-09-06T19:48:00.003+01:00

HIV is short for human immunodeficiency virus. The virus attacks and gradually destroys your immune system (the body’s defence system), making it less able to fight off infections. There is no cure for HIV and no vaccine to stop you from becoming infected. Since the 1990s, though, treatments have been developed that enable most people with HIV to stay well and live relatively normal lives.

What’s the difference between HIV and AIDS?
HIV may lead to AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome). AIDS is a serious condition in which your body is unable to defend itself against a number of serious infections and other illnesses. People with AIDS can get many different kinds of diseases (known as opportunistic infections), which a healthy person would be able to fight off more easily.

How does HIV cause AIDS?
HIV infects cells in the immune and central nervous systems. The main type of cell involved is the white blood cell called T helper lymphocytes, whose job it is to coordinate the actions of other cells in the immune system.

HIV has a protein called CD4 on its surface. The virus attaches itself to this, rather like a key fitting into a lock, in order to gain entry into the cell. T helper cells are also known as CD4+ lymphocytes. Once HIV has got into the cell it produces new copies of itself, which can then infect other cells. Over time, HIV infection leads to a severe shortage of T helper cells. This, in turn, leaves the body vulnerable to infections and cancers that take advantage of the opportunity offered by your weakened immune system (hence the term ‘opportunistic’). This usually takes several years.

AIDS is only diagnosed when you develop one or more of a specific number of severe opportunistic infections or cancers. Different countries have different ways of diagnosing AIDS. It is possible to be very ill with HIV but not be diagnosed with AIDS.

How common is HIV?
At the end of 2005 (the latest year for which figures are available) an estimated 63,500 adults aged over 15 were living with HIV in the UK. Of these, 20,100 (32%) did not know they were infected. The number of people living with HIV is rising each year as a result of more cases being diagnosed and people living longer as a result of more effective medication.

Reprinted with permission of the NHS.

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Member featured in video

2008-08-15T15:07:00.006+01:00

A www.datepositive.net member has been featured in an online production about STIs.

The online magazine TrueTube contacted Date Positive for help with production of one film in a series about STIs.

Lynn (not her real name) came forward to be a part of the production so that people could hear how devastating it can be when you get an STI from your partner.

The 28-year-old tells how her boyfriend did not know he had herpes and pass it on to her. He denied having the virus and eventually she ended the relationship. She suffered from depression for several months as she came to terms with the break-up and the fact that she had herpes.

TrueTube's aim is to promote current issues and debate among young people, aged approximately 15-22. It produces produce videos and short films (two to three minutes in duration) on numerous social issues which are important to young people.

The films offer an online platform to debate and discuss these topics. It is also used as a free education resource within schools, colleges and universities.

Towards the end of the production Lynn says that dating websites such as Date Positive have helped her improve her quality of life and she is starting to date people.

Rosanne Oppenheimer of TrueTube said: "We want to demonstrate firstly that there are many other people out there with the same problem, and they can go on to have healthy love and sex lives through resources like your website."

You can view the production here: www.truetube.co.uk

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HIV and AIDS - Professor Harold Jaffe on the questions to ask

2008-07-27T13:57:00.005+01:00

An estimated 63,500 people in the UK, which is around 0.2% of the population, are living with HIV, and the numbers are increasing. What’s more, it’s thought that a third of people with HIV don't know they have it. There is no cure for the infection but drug treatments can help you to stay well and lead a relatively normal life.

The NHS asked Professor Harold Jaffe, head of the department of public health at Oxford University and a distinguished specialist in HIV infection, what questions he would advise a member of his own family to ask if they were diagnosed with HIV.

What is my outlook?
If HIV is diagnosed early and you have access to appropriate medical care, your outlook is likely to be good. There's no cure for HIV (once the virus is in your system it is there for life) but there are medications that can help you to lead a relatively normal life.

What sort of care can I expect?
Once diagnosed you will be referred to a specialist clinic, where you will be treated by a specialist in HIV. Most people with HIV do eventually need to go on medication but not everyone is put on medication straight away.

The decision is a joint one made between you and your doctor and is largely based on the extent to which your infection has progressed. The clinic will monitor the progress of your HIV infection through regular check-ups and help you decide when the right time is for you to start taking medication.

What can I expect from treatment?
Treatment for HIV has improved over the years in that, firstly, it is more effective and, secondly, treatment regimens (a regimen is a plan of therapy) are simpler than they used to be. Depending on your particular regimen, you may only have to take your medication once a day. All the drugs used have short- and long-term side effects. These may include nausea, diarrhoea and headaches in the short term. These sometimes go away, but if they don’t, you may need to try a different regimen.

In the long-term, some medication used to treat HIV can increase your risk of diabetes and heart disease. However, this increased risk is greatly outweighed by the benefits of treatment.

Your doctor will monitor your health while you're being treated and you may be prescribed other medication to help modify your risk such as cholesterol-lowering drugs (statins).

What risk do I pose to other people?
If you've been diagnosed with HIV, you could pass it on to others so it's important to take precautions. Even if you are on therapy and there are very low levels of HIV in your blood you may still have the virus in your semen or vaginal secretions, which is why it's vital to use condoms when you have sex. This includes anal and vaginal penetrative sex and oral sex. You can't pass on HIV through everyday contact such as hugging, kissing, sharing cutlery, baths and so on.

Do I have to change my lifestyle?
Most people with HIV infection can continue to live, work, travel and so on exactly like anyone else. However, you do need to be aware of your health and to note any changes so you can seek medical help quickly if necessary. You may also be at risk from illnesses that may not cause a problem to people without HIV. So if you're planning to travel in the tropics, for example, you may be at increased risk of infections and need to plan before you go, and find out what medical help is available if you become ill.

Reprinted with permission of the NHS.

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Website helps deal with stigma

2008-06-08T13:50:00.005+01:00

A gay man who became HIV positive in the mid 1990s is using www.datepositive.net because he believes there is a stigma attached to having an STI.

Chris* says that the stigma attached to being HIV positive is worse in the UK than in other countries.

“It is very difficult to live with,” he said. “People can be scornful, and it is due to fear and a lack of knowledge.”

The 48-year-old professional from London said that his work place has been supportive, and for this he is thankful.

It has not been the same with his family, who asked him: “How could you be so irresponsible?”.

“My family was not compassionate, there was condemnation.”

He believes that www.datepositive.net offers an invaluable service.

“With knowledge there can be an eradication of fear. Ignorance breeds fear, knowledge breeds understanding.”

* Chris is a member of www.datepositive.net. His name has been changed to protect his identity.

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HIV positive man sold drugs to support himself

2008-05-27T15:06:00.006+01:00

www.datepositive.net lauches a new series of case studies on the blog to highlight the challenges and difficulties that people with STIs often face. We hope that by profiling these stories we help raise awareness, remove stigmas, and bring about additional support for people with STIs.

A man who was diagnosed with HIV had to turn to a life of crime in order to support himself.

Michael* told the www.datepositive.net that he felt he had no choice but to sell drugs to provide an income for himself while he was very ill after diagnosis.

Michael worked in the construction industry but became too ill to support himself after suffering from pneumonia and being in hospital for six weeks.

“When I returned home I was so poor I couldn’t put food on the table. I applied for support but was turned down.”

The 40 year old from Scotland was diagnosed with HIV about five years ago and suspects he became HIV positive about 10 years ago.

“The support from HIV charities for people who are HIV positive is very poor,” he said. “I think particularly in Scotland it is something that needs looking at.

“The NHS has been fantastic but the charities just kept referring me from one organisation to another and there was no financial support whatsoever.”

Michael has since began drug therapy and is now in fairly good health and able to work.

“If you don’t live in a large urban centre then it is very difficult to find support,” he continued. “What is needed is financial and emotional support and everything else that you need during that time, and it seems to be worse up here.”

Michael also spoke about the stigma attached to having an STI and said that it had been difficult for him to meet new people.

“My experience is that people have an immature view of sex. Some people still view it as dirty and in part that accounts for the stigma attached to STIs.”

Michael told some close friends about his status but they rejected him. However, recently he has found some close friends and felt better about life.

He has been a member of www.datepositive.net for quite a few months and said: “I think the website is a good idea because it helps you talk to other people like yourself and that can only be a good thing.”

His is trying to sell his house and move to the south of England to try to meet like-minded people and, hopefully, that special partner. He’s hopeful that he will meet new friends and possibly a partner on the site.

“I want to meet a woman who his HIV positive, otherwise it will be too difficult to have a relationship. I have had a few relationships since diagnosis, but they have not worked out.”

*Michael is a member of www.datepositive.net. His name has been changed to protect is identity.

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Testimonials from members

2008-04-15T21:00:00.003+01:00

We've recently received some great testimonials from people who use www.datepositive.net.

Their words make us really happy and it is so good to hear how well the site is helping connect people and make them feel supported.

Here are some of the testimonials: "After all the trauma I have been through all these years I have finally fell in love with someone who loves me for me and we are getting married next year."

"I've met a super guy on your website. Thank you so much."

"I'm just starting to see someone who I've met through Date Positive. We really like each other a lot and I am very hopeful."

"I've met a great friend who lives in Ireland. He has been like a rock for me."

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Living with herpes

2008-04-12T09:11:00.004+01:00

"It doesn't stop me from doing anything I used to do".

Emma, aged 23*, had her first episode of genital herpes in March 2006

"When I first realised I had a sore down below, I really freaked out. I went straight to the sexual health clinic at my local hospital where they told me it looked like herpes simplex and took a swab. They gave me a five-day treatment of aciclovir and lidocaine ointment to relieve the itchy pain. When I got home, I searched the internet for ‘genital herpes’ but the sites I found gave scary, alarming and very negative information. Ten days later the clinic texted to say the swab test was positive for herpes simplex.

"I'd been with my boyfriend for two years and he was very supportive. I'm not sure if I got herpes from him as he has never had any symptoms. When I was a student I had a couple of partners, so I may have got it from one of them.

"During the summer, I had a small episode which disappeared overnight. It drove me to start worrying again. I then had another small recurrence and after this I decided that I would not allow this virus to take over my life. I found out about the Herpes Viruses Association through the web, and decided to give them a call. I spoke about my recent problems and they gave me loads of support and advice, and as much knowledge about the virus as I could take in.

"I've learned that life is too short to worry about a minor virus. It's not life-threatening and it doesn’t stop me from doing anything that I used to do. My boyfriend doesn’t think twice about me having herpes and still loves me for who I am, not what I have. There is such a huge stigma behind herpes that makes people hysterical and upset. However, we should treat it like facial herpes simplex (cold sores). No one freaks out about them but they're exactly the same thing, just on the face.

"My boyfriend always says to me that if he gets an episode, he will use the medicine and wait for it to clear up. He says, 'Is the virus life-threatening? No? Well then stop worrying and live life to the full.'

"I honestly can’t stress enough how genital herpes does not make him avoid having sex with me and he certainly doesn’t think any less of me."

* Name and age have been changed.

Reprinted with permission of the NHS.

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When advertising doesn't work

2008-03-28T14:31:00.002Z

Date Positive has stepped further into the complex world of advertising and discovered what works and what doesn't.

I'm going to share some of our experiences with you so you can avoid the same mistakes and, as a small business, make the best use of your marketing budget.

But before you advertise, be sure to have in place a tracking system so you'll be able to measure what works and what doesn't. Without this, you won't be able to tell where customers are coming from or what generates results.

Next, have a think about what your advertising is meant to accomplish. Is it brand awareness or direct response? Brand awareness is the kind of advertising larger companies engage in to keep their name and image before consumers. Direct response advertising is used by businesses when they want a customer to buy a service/product in the near future.

My guess is that as a small business you want to be investing in direct response advertising. If not, you're probably wasting your money.

Our business Date Positive exists in a sea of thousands of dating and social networking websites - so the competition is tough. Sure, we are in a niche market, but there are more businesses like ours now and standing out from the crowd isn't easy.

The key for us is to target potential users of our service and not engage in general advertising. We've advertised in a couple of magazine and newspaper classifieds sections, including The Guardian's Introductions section. Now, as a regular browser of the classifieds, I thought this would be successful. And research seemed to indicate the same thing. But the results were very poor indeed.

We explored online options and went with Net Doctor, a UK health website with strong page impression figures and extensive sections on sexually transmitted infections, including a discussion board. Interestingly, although that campaign directed traffic to our website, it did not convert into members.

Positive Nation, the UK's sexual health magazine, is expected to yield better results. Each issue has multiple readers and also reaches health advisers. They often have to advise clients who attend genitourinary medicine (GUM) clinics on relationship issues.

However - and this likely won't surprise you - our best advertising investment so far is in Google Adwords. (Yahoo's sponsored advertising hasn't performed that well for us). After that, our tracking system reveals that we draw in members from the many web links to www.datepositive.net, which are helping improve our site's ranking in the search engine.

So, if your advertising isn't working you have to ask yourself why you are doing it, and when you are going to stop! You might be advertising because you feel you should advertise. After all, despite the millions of words that have been written and spoken about marketing, many people still equate raising awareness and promotion with advertising.

Maybe you are advertising because your competition is advertising somewhere, so you think you should too. Don't be fooled. Not everyone does research and, as we've learned, research can sometimes produce unexpected and disappointing results.

Consider alternatives. A good portion of our membership has come from media coverage, so look at investing in a good media relations specialist who can get journalists interested in your story.

Work hard to build relationships with other businesses who will be open to exchanging weblinks. Networking and affiliates are powerful tools. Build a blog into you're your website and equip it with a newsletter. Get people to sign-up and you'll be marketing to them every time you write a new post. Depending on your business, you may also want to consider targeted mail shots and referrals.

Be sure to track your advertising, pull the plug when it's not working, and always explore other alternatives.

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Herpes outbreaks and prevention

2008-03-27T20:49:00.003Z

Some people find different triggers bring on an episode. If you notice a pattern, you may be able to do something about it by changing certain aspects of your life. Common triggers can include:

* Being ill, rundown, tired or stressed.
* Different times in the menstrual cycle.
* Friction from sex or masturbation.
* Ultraviolet light on the affected skin area (sunbathing or using sun beds).
* Tight clothing and nylon or lycra underwear.
* Drinking alcohol or smoking.

Recurrences eventually stop altogether within 18-24 months for many people, although it may take much longer for others. The blisters and sores are highly infectious, so if you or your partner have cold sores or genital herpes:

* Avoid kissing when you, or your partner, have cold sores around the mouth.
* Avoid oral sex when you, or your partner, have mouth or genital sores.
* Avoid any genital or anal contact when you, or your partner, have genital sores or blisters, or if you feel an episode starting.
* Use condoms (male or female) every time you have vaginal or anal sex.
* If you have oral sex, cover the penis with a condom or the anal area and female genitals with a dam (latex or polyurethane (soft plastic) square).
* Avoid sharing sex toys. If you do share them, wash them or cover them with a new condom before anyone else uses them.
* Some of these measures can also help to protect you from some other sexually transmitted infections (STIs) such as HIV, chlamydia and gonorrhoea.

Where do I go for further help and advice?
Call the Sexual Health Helpline on 0800 567123 for confidential advice and support 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Alternatively, you can call sexual health direct, run by fpa, for confidential information and advice on all STIs, contraception, sexual wellbeing, planning a pregnancy and pregnancy choices. fpa also has details of sexual health services and a wide range of leaflets. Sexual health direct is open Mon-Fri 9am-6pm. Call 0845 122 8690.

Leaflets on all STIs can also be downloaded from fpa’s website at www.fpa.org.uk (links to external site).

If you feel concerned about seeing your GP ask to speak to the practice nurse or visit a GUM (sexual health) clinic, details of which can be found on the fpa’s website or at www.condomessentialwear.co.uk (links to external site).

Reprinted with permission of the NHS.

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What happens at a sexual health clinic

2008-03-24T09:11:00.002Z

Some clinics are walk-in, others may book appointments. Ring first to find out.

When you attend a clinic, you will be asked for your name, date of birth and contact details and you will be registered as a patient. These details are confidential and will not be passed on to your GP unless you request it.

The clinic nurse will ask the reason why you are attending the clinic.

You will be asked for a sexual history, which will include questions such as when you last had sex, who it was with, whether you used condoms, whether you have had an STI before, and if you are on any medication.

Reprinted with permission of the NHS.

Diagnosing genital herpes

2008-03-24T09:01:00.004Z

Where do I go?

There are a number of different places where you can find out about treatment for genital herpes:

- Sexual health clinics, which provide contraceptive and genitourinary services.

- GUM clincs, which provide genitourinary services and STI testing and advice. These clinics offer a free and confidential service. Their medical staff have specialist facilities for testing and systems for contacting, testing and treating sexual partners. Details of GUM clinics can be found in your local phone directory, from your local hospital, from the NHS website www.condomessentialwear.co.uk or from the fpa’s (formerly the Family Planning Association) website www.fpa.org.uk (links to external site). Clinics are completely confidential and will not inform your GP unless you specifically ask them to.

- Your general practice.

When you see your doctor or nurse, they will check your symptoms. In many cases, genital herpes can be confirmed just by looking at the area. A swab of fluid from the infected area may be taken, this involves breaking the blister to get a sample of the fluid inside. The swab will then be sent to the laboratory and the result will usually be known within one to two weeks.

A swab looks a bit like a cotton bud, but is smaller and rounded. It sometimes has a small plastic loop on the end rather than a cotton tip. It is wiped over the parts of the body that could be infected and easily picks up samples of fluid. This only takes a few seconds and may sting for a moment if the blisters and sores are tender.

There's a specific blood test that can be done to look for antibodies to the virus, although this is not used as a routine test for genital herpes. Cervical screening tests and routine blood tests do not detect the herpes simplex virus.

It's important to remember that no test is 100% accurate. It's easier to diagnose herpes at the beginning of an episode when a sample of fluid from the blister can be taken. The doctor or nurse will talk to you about how accurate your test result is

Reprinted with permission of the NHS.

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What is genital herpes?

2008-03-22T09:11:00.005Z

Genital herpes is caused by the virus herpes simplex (HSV). There are two types: HSV1and HSV2.

Genital herpes can be passed from one person to another during sexual contact. The virus enters the body through cracks in the skin or through the linings of the mouth, vagina, rectum and uretha (the tube that urine passes along).

Some people get symptoms within four to five days of coming into contact with the virus, others do not get any symptoms for weeks, months or possibly years.

Following the initial episode, the virus then becomes dormant (inactive), sometimes for long periods of time. When the virus is dormant, it is not infectious and doesn't cause any symptoms. Some people will experience further episodes of genital herpes from time to time.

Symptoms of genital herpes may include some of the following:
- Feeling generally unwell with flu-like symptoms such as fever, tiredness, headache, swollen glands, aches and pains in the lower back, groin or down the legs. - Stinging, tingling or itching in the genital or anal area.

- Small, fluid-filled blisters anywhere in the genital or anal area, on the buttocks and the tops of the thighs. These quickly burst within a day or two leaving small red sores which can be very painful.

- Pain when passing urine (peeing) caused by the urine flowing over the sores.

How long will an episode last?
Episodes will last a different length of time in each person and will depend on your general state of health and whether this is the first or a recurrent episode of genital herpes. The first episode of herpes, often the most painful, may last from two to fours weeks in total

- The flu-like symptoms usually last for about a week. Individual sores take around five to 10 days to heal. Once the sores start healing they are less painful.

- Pain and irritation can last for two weeks or longer. - The symptoms with a recurrent episode of genital herpes will usually last for a shorter time than with the first episode.

Reprinted with permission of the NHS.

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Genital herpes - questions to ask

2008-03-20T09:04:00.009Z

Genital herpes is a sexually transmitted infection (STI) caused by the herpes simplex virus, affecting more than 21,000 people in the UK each year.

Toni Belfield, director of information for the fpa (formerly the Family Planning Association), suggests some of the questions you might want to ask your clinician.

How did I get genital herpes?
Genital herpes can be passed from one person to another during sexual contact. Anyone who is sexually active can get the virus, and both men and women can have genital herpes and pass it on. An attack or outbreak of genital herpes is known as an episode. The herpes virus is most likely to be passed on just before, during and immediately after an episode.

Genital herpes can be passed on:
From one person to another during vaginal or anal sex or by sharing sex toys.

By skin-to-skin contact during sex. It can be passed on by close genital contact. You don’t need to have penetrative sex (vaginal or anal) to pass it on.

By skin-to-skin contact during sex if the virus is active on the skin outside the area protected by a condom or dam.

If you receive oral sex form someone who has a cold sore or is just about to get one.

If a person with herpes on the hand or finger, known as whitlows, touches the vagina, genitals or anal area. It is possible for a pregnant woman to pass the virus to her baby at birth if she is having an episode.

You cannot get herpes from hugging, sharing baths or towels, from swimming pools, toilet seats or from sharing cups, plates or cutlery.

Can it be treated?
The symptoms of genital herpes can be treated although it will eventually clear up by itself. Treatment will usually ease any discomfort. After the first episode of genital herpes, further episodes may occur.

Do I need to tell my partner?
If your check-up shows that you have genital herpes then it is not normally recommended that your partner has a check-up, unless they have symptoms. The doctor or nurse will talk to you about whether or not it may be helpful to talk to your sexual partner(s) and how to do this.

I’m planning on getting pregnant. Will my baby be at risk?
Genital herpes does not affect fertility in either men or women. Most women who have genital herpes give birth to healthy babies.

Genital herpes can be treated safely during pregnancy:
If you get genital herpes before you're pregnant the risk of passing it on to your baby at birth is very low.

If you get genital herpes after you become pregnant, then this is more serious.

If the first episode of genital herpes occurs in the first three months of pregnancy, there is a small risk of miscarriage.

If you catch genital herpes for the first time late in pregnancy, you will not have time to pass your immunity to your baby. The virus could be passed to your baby during vaginal delivery so a caesarean birth may be recommended. However, most women with genital herpes have a normal pregnancy and delivery, and it's very unusual for babies to be infected with herpes.

Will my parents find out?
Check-ups and treatment are completely confidential. Even if you're under 16, your parents/carers will not be told.

Reprinted with permission of the NHS.

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Date Positive aims to reduce its carbon footprint

2008-03-17T08:21:00.008Z

Date Positive is taking a small step towards reducing its carbon footprint by contributing towards Treeflights, a carbon offset company in Wales.

www.datepositive.net will this year donate £150 to Treeflights, which plants trees in Wales and Peru.

Treeflights was established in 2006 by Ru Hartwell to give people the chance to compensate for the environmentally destructive effects of their flights. Travellers and, in fact, any individual or business, can work towards offsetting their carbon emissions by buying trees for £10 each via the Treeflights website, www.treeflights.com.

We know that in the big scheme of things £150 isn’t a lot of money, but it will buy 15 trees. Half will be planted in Wales and half in Peru where the biggest impact can be had. As Date Positive grows and eventually produces a profit, we will be able to increase our annual contribution to Treeflights.

The Peru project is taking place in the Amazon in co-operation with the Ashaninka community of Cutivireni. It is being co-ordinated by Ecotribal, a UK-based organisation that collaborates with indigenous peoples to provide them with an income from sustainable products.

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When print advertising goes wrong

2008-03-12T08:34:00.004Z

This past weekend our first print advert for www.datepositive.net – a classified in The Guardian – went wrong. Part of it contained an error and so pointed potential members to a competitor’s website.

I was angry and disappointed. I’d gotten up early on Saturday to pick up The Guardian, and so had to live with my annoyance for most of the day.

And of course because it was Saturday too, there was really nothing I could do. Although I did write an email to our ad rep, Gabriel Larmour, pointing out their mistake and my disappointment, and asking for reassurances that it wouldn’t happen again.

Gabriel called on Monday morning to apologise and said we wouldn’t have to pay for the one line that contained the error. “Is that all?!” I thought.

“No,” I said. “That’s not good enough. I want two week’s free advertising; after all, you’ve pointed us to a competitor.”

We negotiated and I accepted one week, realising that I would get nothing more from this conversation. I also insisted on seeing a proof of next week’s ad, something that isn’t normally done, but Gabriel relented.

Gabriel’s view was that the rate for our advertising is very low. But what he and so many other ad reps fail to recognise is that small new businesses have to watch every penny – literally.

As well, when you have an experience like this, it dents your confidence in the product. Will I advertise in The Guardian again after this four-week run? I don’t know. Do ad reps think about the knock-on effect of ads gone wrong? Probably not.

Having your own business can be a mix of exciting and frightening. Lately, www.datepositive.net has produced excitement. We re-launched late in February and we’re attracting more new members, including paying members too.

So I need to stay focused on the positive, pat myself on the back for a bit of negotiating, and have faith that things do go well – some of the time!

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Herpes dating

2008-03-06T08:47:00.005Z

For most people with herpes one of the biggest hurdles they have to cross when dating is telling someone they have an STI.

It’s difficult because you put your self in an extremely vulnerable position. You have to reveal something very personal and there is a real fear of rejection.

In addition, you are bringing your history back into the present day. And nine times out of ten there is some aspect of deception around the fact that you have herpes. That in itself is painful and hard to deal with.

The whole process of coming to terms with having herpes, or any STI, can be tough for many people. And even though I have friends who have STIs, it is only since working with Date Positive that I have become much, much more aware of the stigma attached to having herpes.

People have written some painfully honest emails to us, thanking us for the site and telling us that they have felt as though they have been confined to their own private prison since diagnosis.

Some people have written using quite strong language and said that they feel “marked”, “dirty”, or “damaged”. One man told www.datepositive.net that the people he told assumed he slept around, when that wasn’t the case. The implication was that he was being judged and told that a) it was wrong to sleep around and b) it was his own fault he had herpes. No-one judging this man considered the fact that he was in what he believed to be a monogamous and trusting relationship.

Another woman wrote and said that her sister had said she should have been more careful when, once again, the truth was that she was in a monogamous and trusting relationship.

It’s clear then that the emotional impact of finding out one has herpes is significant, and for some quite traumatic. There is a sense of deception and betrayal and you can be reminded of those very painful feelings every time you have an episode.

This is why a site like Date Positive can be very comforting. You know that everyone is in the same position. The excitement and hope attached to meeting someone new are not threatened by the fact that you have to, at some point, tell a person you have herpes – or any STI.

Date Positive is a site that can help you move out of your isolation and make contact with new people, for chat, friendship, activities or dating/relationships. With that fear removed the process of meeting people is easier and there is no fear of rejection.

Follow this blog for more information on hiv dating and herpes dating.

Herpes information

2008-03-05T10:34:00.003Z

A small number of members have emailed us with questions about genital herpes. There are a lot of resources available providing information about this STI, and you can also get information from your GP or your local GUM clinic.

However, Date Positive will carry a series of articles on herpes to help readers and members. The information is gathered form the NHS. If you have specific questions please feel free to email them to us and we will do our best to get them answered from a knowledable source.

Genital herpes is caused by the herpes simplex virus (HSV). There are two types: HSV1 and HSV2. It is estimated to affect more than 21,000 people in the UK each year.

This STI is passed from one person to another during sexual contact. A man or a woman who is sexually active can get the virus.

An outbreak of genital herpes is known as an episode. It is around this time that herpes can be passed on - usually before, during or after an episode.

Genital herpes can be passed from one person to another during sexual contact. HSV enters the body through cracks in the skin. It can also enter through the linings of the mouth, vagina, rectum and urethra (the tube that urine passes along).

The way in which symptoms can appear varies dramatically. Some people will get symptoms within four to five days of coming into contact with the virus. Other people do not get any symptoms for weeks, months or even in some cases years (although this is unusual).

After an initial episode, the virus becomes inactive (dormant). It can remain inactive for long periods of time. When the virus is inactive it is not infectious and doesn't cause any symptoms. Some people will experience further episodes of genital herpes from time to time.

Genital herpes can be passed on:

- From one person to another during vaginal or anal sex or by sharing sex toys.

- By skin-to-skin contact during sex. It can be passed on by close genital contact. You don’t need to have penetrative sex (vaginal or anal) to pass it on.

- By skin-to-skin contact during sex if the virus is active on the skin outside the area protected by a condom or dam.

- If you receive oral sex from someone who has a cold sore or is just about to get one.

- From a person with herpes on the hand or finger who touches the vagina, genitals or the anal area. Herpes on the hand is known as a whitlow.

- It is possible for a pregnant woman to pass the virus to her baby at birth if she is having an episode.

Genital herpes cannot be passed on from:

- Hugging, sharing baths or towels, from swimming pools, toilet seats or from sharing cups, plates or cutlery.

The symptoms of genital herpes can be treated, although it will eventually clear up by itself. Treatment will usually ease any discomfort. After the first episode of genital herpes, further episodes may occur.

More to follow on herpes, treatment, and communication with partners.

Follow this blog for more information on hiv dating and herpes dating.

Write a headline that gets your profile noticed - part three

2008-03-01T19:28:00.004Z

Part two’s piece on writing a headline for your dating profile posted yesterday looked at writing a headline that focused on who you are.

But that’s only one approach. Here we are going to look at the many other types of headlines you could consider.

Describe what you are looking for. Here are a couple of good examples:

Seeking walks, talks and hugs – a straight headline but it tells the reader a lot what the member seeks in a partner.

Looking for an upbeat, positive, friendly person – once again a straight headline and very specific in terms of what’s being sought.

Seeking soulmate – a lot of people don’t like this headline but I honestly think it’s okay, if that’s what you’re actually looking for. However, if you use this headline be sure to be interesting and detailed in your actual profile. In other words, tell the reader what you think your soulmate will be like.

Looking for gentle giant/Looking for sassy girl – again, pretty clear in terms of what the member wants.

Make a statement or request. This kind of headline is in a sense a combination headline. It says something about you and also describes what you are looking for. Here are a few of examples:

The world is my oyster – this person sounds like an explorer and ready to explore.

Let’s plunder the pot of gold – someone who is ready for adventure and who wants to share the great things life has to offer with a close companion.

Let’s get our boots muddy together – this person wants to wander off the beaten track in life and experience the wild and unusual.

Ask a question. A question headline creates curiosity and a bit of intrigue about your profile and who you are.

What’s the worst that could happen? – this restores the light-heatedness to dating that is so often missing because it can be loaded with expectations. At worst you could have a boring hour with someone not your type. At best you could meet the love of your life!

Can you restore my belly laugh? – here’s someone who definitely connects on the basis of humour. If you strike a cord with each other it could be great.

Fancy a film? – at first it sounds too basic but it’s good because that’s how great dates start, a shared enjoyment of something you both like.

Use humour or your favourite quote. I’ve said this before, you’ve got to be careful with humour because if it goes wrong it can go badly wrong. So play it safe and if you’re not sure, don’t use it.

However, here are some good examples to spur your creative juices:

Profile under construction – funny because it plays on the early days of the Internet when websites were never quite ready. Maybe this is a person in flux. Check out their profile again for new info.

Some like it hot – the title of one of Marilyn’s classics. Intriguing and inviting.

Can I borrow a bowl of sugar? – and why not?! You never know what might happen with the profile next door.

I wandered lonely as a cloud – lovely and romantic from the William Wordsworth poem, slightly sad too.

Dolce vita – the sweet life and someone’s looking to share it.

Only love interests me, and I am only in contact with things I love – a quote from the artist Marc Chagall, quite deep too. Whoever uses this line is pretty serious about love!

I hope these ideas help. Forget the headlines like Hello, or I’m John. Worst of all don't leave the headline space blank, or fill it with a series of full stops. It just tells readers you can’t really be bothered. No-one stops to read a profile with an empty headline slot or a repeated run of keyboard characters.

Use a bit of imagination. Practice for an hour or so, and pick what you believe is the best. You’ll have something that really does grab the attention of the people you hope to meet, and that’s the first step in getting them to read your profile.

Follow this blog for more information on hiv dating and herpes dating.

Write a headline that gets your profile noticed - part two

2008-02-29T19:16:00.003Z

Yesterday I wrote about the kinds of profile headlines that probably shouldn’t be used.

I asked you to think about describing yourself in a sentence and from that coming up with catchy headline.

It sounds harder than it really is. Once you start writing down your thoughts, ideas will come to you. Your probably won’t like the first few ideas you come up with (but maybe you will)! However, after a few lines you’ll be pretty close to what you are looking for.

Here are some examples of good headlines:

Smiles! Lots of them – this says so much about the advertiser. It tells you that they are happy and enjoy life and happiness is important to them.

Skeptical, but intrigued – it’s pretty clear this person isn’t too sure about Internet dating. But they are putting themselves out there and will give it a chance. This is someone who is open to trying new things in life.

Up for recycling – this is cute and funny. It shows that the member is into being Green, and also that she/he has had relationships before but is ready to try again.

It’s more fun together – a basic thing that we sometimes forget; life IS more fun when the company feels just right. This person wants to explore life with a companion.

Friendly, fun, spontaneous and happy – straightforward and it works too because it says so much.

Leaps small buildings in a single bound – a pretty energetic and possibly ambitious person. This headline reveals a great deal about the person's outlook on life.

Tomorrow I will write about how to take different approaches to profile headline writing.

Don’t forget, if you are a member of www.datepositive.net you can have free help writing your profile and headline. Just email us at info@datepositive.net.

Follow this blog for more information on hiv dating and herpes dating.

Write a headline that gets your profile noticed - part one

2008-02-28T14:49:00.003Z

What’s the first thing that grabs your attention when you look at profiles on a dating website?

The words in the profile? A person’s height? Their occupation? No, it’s the headline. You read that first and then make a decision weather or not to read further.

So writing a good headline is really important. Other members will read it, and then react to it. And of course you want their reaction to be a positive one.

In fact, you’ve probably only got about five or ten seconds or so to make a good impression with your headline and draw members in (or push them away).

So consider these headlines: Still looking; Lonely guy; Good in bed; Read this; Hello.

They are uninspiring and some are quite negative. If someone is still looking, what’s wrong with them, or why are they having bad luck finding a date? And while we all know that people feel lonely now and then, advertising that fact to your potential dates isn’t going to win any votes.

Stay away too from anything that could be potentially offensive, such as questionable humour, a focus on sex or body parts, or demands. These headlines simply put people off and the questionable ones will likely be flagged up by the site administrators anyway.

Don’t sound desperate. Headlines like Pick me, or Please read my profile just put people off.

You need to catchy, bright, and honest. Think about what you wrote in your profile and how you worked to capture your strengths and positive qualities into a few sentences (see the articles in the section labeled Online dating advice). Your headline needs to do this further in just a few short words.

Tomorrow: examples of good headlines and what a headline can say to a reader in just a few words.

Follow this blog for more information on hiv dating and herpes dating.

STIs - the facts behind the headlines

2008-02-14T12:05:00.007Z

By Dr Thom

Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) used to be known as sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and refer to a range of infections that can be passed on through close sexual contact. STIs are extremely common - so common, in fact, that every week around 30,000 people in the UK attend NHS sexual health clinics. According to a recent study, demand for these health services still far outstrips supply.

Some STIs show symptoms all the time, some show symptoms none of the time and some only show symptoms in a handful of people. Whatever the case, the more we all know about them the better we’ll be able to manage the ones we have and avoid the ones we don’t. By understanding and talking about specific infections, it should also make it easier to discuss these issues with our partners. It also enables us to make informed decisions about the risks we’re prepared to take and the risk we’re prepared to expose our partners to.

In the UK and Ireland, socio-economic change continues to alter the way that some of us lead our lives. For many of us this can result in us having a greater risk of contracting an STI. Not only are people settling down later, but those who are single tend to have more partners than they did in the past - a sample of patients attending a Terrence Higgins Trust testing centre found that 6.1% and 7.1% of heterosexual men and women respectively had had a new partner in the previous seven days. At the other end of the age spectrum an increase in the number of divorces – 155,000 in 2005 in the UK - means that many middle-aged people are finding themselves exposed to STIs for the first time in twenty years.

Newspapers and the TV regularly report that there’s a continued explosion in STIs, but the reality behind the headlines depends very much on the STI in question. The most common infection, genital chlamydia, has seen a steady rise and has a nasty habit of not showing any symptoms, thereby lurking silently. Other infections such as gonorrhoea haven’t seen an explosion at all and something like syphilis is on the increase, albeit from a very low base.

Lastly, there’s the issue of STIs and relationships. A new diagnosis can trigger unjustified accusations of infidelity and someone with, for instance, an incurable but currently not-visible viral STI might be too nervous to tell a new partner.

Over the next few months, we’re going to be discussing these and other issues. We hope you find it useful. If there are specific issues you would like us to discuss, then send your suggestions to info@datepositive.net because all of these features will be written by NHS specialists in sexual health who work at Dr Thom. Dr Thom is the UK’s leading online medical service and provides testing and treatment for a range of STIs and other lifestyle health conditions.

Follow this blog for more information on hiv dating and herpes dating.